#i feel much better all of a sudden
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good news everyone it does get better at least a little and after thinking about it i'm not quite as miserable or in despair as i thought i was.
#i'm about to overshare in the tags ok👍#our post comrade.#--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------#just discovered that it doesn't make me mad or miserable anymore to look at my ex's old texts#it's melancholy if i let myself think about how we'll never talk again but they're actually funny now👍#i feel much better all of a sudden#i don't hate them as much as i thought i did. and more importantly i don't hate myself as much as i thought i did 👍#i guess we were really just two goofy and struggling teenagers#and i guess we were best friends for a reason#did you guys know we were tumblr mutuals. i never told you that#that was way before this blog. they were the reason i migrated to instagram#👍‼️ if you're wondering why i went back to look it's because i wanted to find the logs of me infodumping about rea/icide for my amusement#they said dar was pretty. that's so funny#and i agreed much too enthusiastically. completely unsubtle#and i talked about how i was changing my name to parme and how happy it made me#i didn't remember that part. i wasn't even officially nonbinary at that point#:).#i can't write about this in my diary sorry it would out me. so it goes here
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Prompt 301
Ellie, during one of her stints of what do I do with my life right now, decides to, with the help of her Original Dad-Person (Look he’s aging and she’s not and it gets less questions the older he gets if he says daughter instead of sister with how the Fentons are getting older too) creates a Boo-Tube channel. No, not a Youtube channel, those are stuck to a single dimension.
Bootube on the other hand? Due to being through the Realms (and wow is Tucker getting so much income from creating it) is interdimensional. Which is so cool honestly. And she doesn’t know what to do at first, and honestly there’s already so many travel blogs that she kind of just… decided to do something that she wished someone had done for her and her brothers and Danny when she was new to the world.
So she creates the channel CAAW: Clone Awareness, Accommodations, and Welfare. They had to learn things through trial and error, but maybe she can help someone out there learn how to find their own selves, or even help someone not melt.
#DCxDP#DPXDC#Prompts#Kon & all the other clones Love Her so much#And it genuinely helps people figure things out if they Do have sudden clones#Each video is in an entirely new place & sometimes it’s just her and sometimes she drags in her DNA Donor & Co#Danny also did a video on what to do if you suddenly find out you have a clone & also discusses the emotions#”I know it feels violating as hell- but you can’t take it out on them. Artificial memories or information or not that is a newborn- a baby-#& they don’t know any better- but also be aware of if you know you Can't properly care for a child & make sure they have a caretaker”#”But also do feel free to beat up the person who stole your DNA especially if they’re your villain-rogue-or whatever other term your#timeline has it’s cathartic”#Ellie has videos such as: How to figure out clone relationships & How to find your first hobbies#& Interacting with the world: What to do First#Some are sillier and lighter while some are more serious#There’s also a special multi part series with special guest Dan referred to as the Evil Clone series#Technically he’s both from the future a fusion & a clone & it’s crazy to the people watching
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The first time disciple Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu meets Liu Qingge, it is during a Bai Zhan peak raid. And what ends up happening is that Shen Qingqiu gets kicked in the jaw with such force he feels his teeth clack together unpleasantly. And frustrated with his situation, the system, and quite frankly a ton of other little things that have been building up over the course of the last few weeks, he feels something snap in the back of his mind like that of a rubber band after being stretched too far.
What ends up happening is that Shen Qingqiu turns and locks onto the very first figure he can see that is dressed in grey-and-white like a homing missile, and then with the force of a twin-tailed mountain tiger, lunges towards said figure with an equally menacing snarl.
He ends up taking the Bai Zhan peak disciple by utter surprise, and they both collide into the ground in a tangle of angry yelling and limbs. What ends up happening is that Liu Qingge gets the subsequent wind knocked out of him and pinned into the dirt by a Qing Jing peak disciple who is filled with the might and fury of a scholar having their peaceful afternoon interrupted and a once-grown-man re-experiencing puberty.
It is with that might and fury that Liu Qingge meets the wild, frenzied eyes of Shen Qingqiu, with his lips pulled back into a truly ferocious scowl. Shen Qingqiu hisses out, with such force it makes his voice rasp, as if he might as well sink his teeth into Liu Qingge's throat and rip it out; "Get the fuck off my mountain."
Liu Qingge is so shocked by -- well, quite a many things, but most importantly the fact that he has been pinned, and the way the sun is bouncing off this boy's face, -- that his brain needs five seconds to reboot. It's five seconds too long, because by the time he registers what just happened, Shen Yuan has clambered off him and disappeared. Gone and thrown himself into the closest dust cloud scuffling in order to unleash the rest of his fury on the other Bai Zhan Peak kids.
Qing Jing Peak experiences an unfortunate uptick in Bai Zhan disciple visits -- specifically of the Liu Qingge variety. Specifically Liu Qingge, actually. Who very much wants to find the boy that managed to get one over on him and demand a rematch. (Or maybe kiss him.)
#*stares at sy* i still think he deserves to go a little feral. as a treat. like. just a small snapping. not a big one. just a lil one#svsss#scum villain#scum villain self saving system#svsss au#shen qingqiu#liushen#shen yuan#he has a lot of restraint. lets break it! *said in the same tone as that angsty teenager ai voice from sister location*#me: do i call him shen yuan or shen qingqiu??? he is technically sqq but a lot of the disciple aus i see call him shen yuan....#me: fuck it i'm sticking with SQQ. they're both technically the same thing as far as im aware#this idea sprang into my mind like the mulan hun daisies. and i felt the need to write it down. this is so going in my disciple sy fic#shen yuan has a lot of restraint :) what better way to let loose all that pent up aggression than a bai zhan peak raid! he's kinda looking#forward to the next one. that was actually pretty cathartic. :) BZP disciples feel a sudden shiver crawling down their backs#the increase of bai zhan visits qian cao peak gets from bite-related injuries is in no way related to this decision. none at all.#sqq covered in bruises and scrapes: woo! that was actually kinda cathartic. i feel much better now after that. and a little guilty#meanwhile lqg: *going through a gay awakening* i.-- ??? boys? ???? boy? boy. mhm.#sqq usually avoids getting swept into fights during BZP raids. not this time! and now bzp is going to Pay For It Dearly.
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Every variation of Tim gets a cat brings me so much joy
#I'v been feeling a bit rough lately which gave me massive art block#But I just had this flash all of a sudden n what do you know I blazed this in about 20 minutes#Just a doodle but it helped me destress n relax so much#Not my best work for sure#But that doesn't matter because I feel substantially better#There's something off with the anatomy in the face and I'm pretty sure it's the nose but I'm too tired to figure out why#Sides I'm trying to be less anxious with my work and not he such a perfectionist. So we ball#Man sorry for the whole essay in the tags 😭#Just a fun little doodle :3#Tim Drake#My art#I need to draw animals more often I love doing it
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Introducing the four hors- i mean the four band members that i made to bother Sol
the situation bro is in, i filled some templates below
I found the worldbuilding interesting in the game it kind of remind me of home so i wanted to make other characters to play in different places (i have been silently playing the sims in my head these months).
Cicada is supposed to take the role of the MC and share details of the backstory, the other are just to add drama and experiment with different dynamics. But they are all part of a band called Unknown Infestation. (to clarify those aren't their real names, they are just nicknames, also i have their stage names and real names somewhere else).
thisis a lot im sorry im almost done bear withme a little
the credits of the template are on the image but this is the post
the post it's getting too long i will leave it here;;
#the kid at the back vn#tkatb vn#tkatb oc#tkatb sol#the kid at the back sol#AHORA SI YA VALIO MADRES BANDA#sorry for throwing four guys in your face all of a sudden i feel that is better if i make one post with all of them than posting too much#these are from June or older and have been beating my brain with hammers since then someone tell them to stop#for a second there i thought of pairing them all with Sol at the same time that was a wild thought#but it wouldn't work they are going to kill eachother. anyways. i love the power of friendship#i had to draw Cicada's sprite again because i lost it idk where it is but i didn't want to trace it#watch me not talk about them again#okback to my enclosure 🍖#[UNKNOWN INFESTATION]#the 'four horsemen of the apocalypse' joke it's getting real every second i think more about it. it's over we aren't surviving this#*introduces band members *proceds to not elaborate on the band stuff or their backstories *leaves
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would i be considered a lunatic if i said that horror's story could be read as a parallel for SA. Hear Me Out: (obviously be careful for reading this bc like,,, sensitive topic)
i feel like the largest parallel could be the actual event of getting his eye taken. a part of his body is "taken" and literally or metaphorically horror was pinned down and forced to give up his body (even worse considering that a literal part of him was PULLED out with a foreign object designed solely to hurt HIM SPECIFICALLY). it's digusting and horror claws and fights his way out to prevent it but unfortunately it still ends up happening no matter what he could've done. no matter how many backup plans or extra contibutions or begging or fighting he did. which like. sounds honestly pretty simple to the reality of victims of SA. that hopelessness of knowing that even if you did as much as you could, covering up, devoting yourself to a life of chastity, not hanging with people like thay, there's still a chance that something bad could happen and all of a sudden everyone's out to get you and how could they just stand by and do NOTHING while you were left to suffer and defend yourself
which leads onto the next point i wanna bring up which is horror's rage immediately after getting his eye stolen. his anger at the betrayal is (very justified my boy did nothing to deserve this) solely about him and his bodily autonomy. undyne (and alphys ig,,,,) couldn't consider ANY other possible solution than to deprive him of his autonomy and decide to just take what they wanted from his body??? AND THE FACT THAT ALPHYS SAID THAT HE MIGHT AGREE TO GIVING UP HIS EYE? it's giving very much so "oh it'll feel good so don't worry" type shit or whatever (horrortale alphys i DONT like you). a betrayal at the hands of someone you trusted a lot about your bodily autonomy? it just gives off that sort of parallel
and the sheer anger and fury that horror felt and enacted on alphys and undyne and everyone else at the CORE just like DUDE. that is a type of anger that only comes out when you've been deeply wronged. sometimes when a horrific experience like getting SAed happens you just wanna explode and drag down everyone around you and ESPECIALLY the perpetrators no matter how much you rationalize. you can have as many people as you want try to convince you that revenge and being hateful isnt the way but it doesn't matter because they havent been wronged the way youve been. horror deserved to be that cruel because undyne and alphys were just as cruel back to him, so he'll be the same and return it 10fold (he probably wasnt even out of bones when he decided to turn them into chips he just wanted to make it a point that he didn't even need to use his full strength to hurt the guards. horror could've EASILY killed alphys but no he wanted it to hurt for her so she could live a life of eternal suffering and fall to her lowest and to ESPECIALLY hurt undyne. because they deserve to suffer just as much as he did if not more for the crime commited against him)
a betrayal as bad as alphys's is only worsened when she tells him that she doesnt regret a single thing about using him for the underground. that has to be the single most infuriating thing for horror to hear because WHAT DO YOU MEAN alphys doesn't regret a thing? that's exactly what some people gloat about after doing terrible things; they try to sweep it under the rug as nothing that bad or justify it OR JUST STRAIGHT UP ADMIT IT!!! nah horrortale alphys deserved to suffer idc
and back onto that feeling of wanting to kick and scream and drag everyone else down with you after being left so used and betrayed due to getting SAed: i know it was bad that horror tricked snowdin into eating humans it was TERRIBLY BAD but really horror was just operating on anger and spite and the need for vengeance. nobody in snowdin ever did anything to hurt him (and i'm sure horror knows that considering he definitely regrets what he did) but to him maybe they also should feel the pain he feels so they can all relate. so that they can't try and fight against him when he says his side of the story and say that undyne was right with what she did. that maybe he wouldn't feel so absolutely devastated after what happened if he saw everyone around him suffering too, and maybe JUST MAYBE he'd get a bit of something back from his sacrifice that he never consented to
i KNOW i'm not reaching with this but idk if i phrased it the best. but to me horror's story really does genuinely parallel to one of an SA survivor's: the betrayal, the anger, the feeling of loneliness and isolation and just feeling absolutely used for a simple thing as your body. chapter 4 of horrortale really is amazing storytelling and so is horror (he was reasonable in what he did IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS he might be WRONG but it was reasonable. i love horror sans)
#i'm sorry if this is like kinda not srs enough for this topic just know that this came from a place of genuine relation to horror#his story resonates a lot to me about my own personal experiences and the anger and betrayal i felt myself#and i just wanted to point out the similarities i saw 🙁#i think that maybe even without realizing it that he might feel replused at sex and especially the intimacy part#touching his eye socket or head wound is like reliving the entire situation over again and he does NOT WANT THAT AT ALL#its a part of his body that he cant just get rid of because it's necessary which SUCKS#the snarkiness that horror has against undyne even after 7 years is so real#you NEVER forgive your abuser in that situation. i know damn well that the grudge will continue to last on for many more years to come#one day horror and undyne might be able to make up and coexist but horror wont ever be able to TRULY forgive her#a part of you changes viscerally for the worse when you go through something so traumatic#and i think horror's outburst fits that change a lot. it seems almost sudden how quickly he goes from sans to horror#and even though he was still spiralling before the CORE he probably wouldn't have changed so drastically without a betrayal THIS bad#he better get the BEST potential ending in horrortale or else i will RIOT#if aliza doesnt save horrortale and give them all the freedom they DESPERATELY NEED#SAS pls SAS pls don't doom them even more than they already are thats all i need#this metaphor is made even worse with my idea that killer or dust pull him around by the eye or skull#probably not dust (when he's calm (when he's not all boundaries get thrown out the window)#but with killer probably. he doesn't particularly care about what horror wants or keeps to himself#if it gets a barely amusing reaction then sure whatever. horror gets unreasonably pissed anyway for someone who just got his eye taken#in fights they could make it a point to hold onto his skull near the eyewound as tightly as possible#just to make it HURT. dust wants horror to remember him with as much hate as he does for undyne#killer does it to get him to remember that moment except this time no he can't fight back. just to keep him in line#it sucks i know but this trio was never truly made to improve eachother. they were made to drag eachother down worse than they already are#tricule analyze#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv
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Finishing Move + Last Dance
*does a gay little dance that pisses you off*
bonus:
Dance of the Dawn
*does a gay little dance that fires an orbital laser upon your position and kills you instantly*
#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv screenshots#ffxiv gpose#femroe#ffxiv gifs#ffxiv dancer#idk i just find the animations really funny especially since i feel like they're so out of character for Ellie lol#that being said i'm stunned by how much i'm enjoying dancer all of a sudden. these gay little dances are actually doing a lot for me.#i took it into ex1 and - well i didn't perform *super* but pretty decent. better than the melees in there at least lol#flashing gif#flashing warning
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hi friends !! ^_^ i’ll be on a hiatus until further notice <3 i’m sending all of you the bestest of wishes !! until i’m back, please take great care of yourselves !! MWUUUAH !! 🍓
original pinned linkiedink ! 🍨
#a brief reasoning for this sudden hiatus !! ->#i’ve been very tired & working quite a bit which has caused me to be a bit drained T^T#writers block has also hit me like a bus i fear </3#i feel like a nice break during this summer season should help me feel a bit better !!#i want to continue loving tumblr as much as i do now so a hiatus should help !!#everything has just felt a bit off and i haven’t had much motivation </3 i want to focus on myself for a bit so i can feel better !!#im also going to be very busy these next few weeks !!#out of town—house sitting when im back—and also work on top of that T^T#i’ll be back before you know it i hope !! i promise im not quitting <3#i’ll still be reading of course because it comforts me <3 kita especially right now !! ^_^#for my mooties and anyone else !! please feel free to use my askbox or tag me in games/anything still :3#i’ll definitely respond once im back !! <3#I LOVE ALL OF YOU SOSO DEARLY !! kisses to all of you !! mwuah mwuah 🍓#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out��#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
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Soooo what are y’all’s hcs on the Tweak family 🤔🤔🤔
#lowkey I like to hc it as a generational trauma type of thing for Mr Tweak#I feel like Richard was a LOT like Tweek when he was little#very anxious and unsure of himself#he mentions in the gnomes episode I believe that his business has been going on 30 years#and was passed down to him by his father by his father before him#growing up I think that he too was given a lot of this coffee by his father#and over the years he was conditioned and manipulated into accepting this as the norm#in hopes that he would one day take over the business#when he was finally old enough his father shared the family recipe with him and at that point he had pretty much been brainwashed#I think he sees a lot of his younger self in tweek which is why he’s so condescending towards him and so determined to steer him down the#same path. Repeating the cycle and all that#and when Tweek is old enough he plans on sharing the family’s secret as his father did with him#MRS Tweak on the other hand is an interesting one#we know so little about her but I feel like her personality also says a lot about her#she’s definitely better than Mr Tweak but she’s still very complacent and neglectful#I think what stands out to me the most about her though is the way her personality can completely switch up at times#most of the time she has this eerily calm almost docile personality#but other times she’s a LOT more attentive and caring#yk like a normal mom#COMPLETELY different from how she usually acts#but the episode that gets me the most is “Gnomes#where she actively goes against Richard’s attempt to manipulate the kids and use them for business ventures#yet this is the same mom that actively poisons her son? presumably for the business??#like it doesn’t make sense to me#I’ve seen someone suggest that Richard has been drugging her too#and BOY would that be a twist#definitely would explain the sudden shift in personality#i definitely think it would be interesting if she was in the dark about a lot of this too#not using this as an excuse as I still do think she is SOMEWHAT negligent on her own but I do think it could explain some things#south park
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i Love pkmn but i love it as a worldbuild. when i play the game its just bc i like exploring the world and the critters. and i feel like everyone else who likes pkmn are all ppl who Love the games and competitive parts of it. so i feel a little embarrassed about not being a game-lover and competition-lover... i simply enjoy the world and the silly creatures 😭😭
#i dont talk about pkmn very much outside of this space and even here i just talk abt Guz mostly#bc i always worry ppl are going to think im silly (derogatory) for not being a proper gamer fjdkdl#when i was a kid i was able to remember the pkmn names a lot more and i probably could've learned the type matchups#but i didnt have a chance to play the games (bc of abuse and misogyny lol) so i couldn't like... learn stuff as a kid when i actually-#-had a functional memory still 😭😭 once i hit 15 i started losing my memory capabilities#and i only started playing a little bit when i was 16 so rest in shit LOL#(also the misogyny thing is just that my brothers were allowed to play video games but i wasnt bc i was a girl lmfao)#I JUST FEEL EMBARRASSED i wish i could be a Gamer™ but I'm just. not good at it.#i Could be good if i rly put in a bunch of effort but like... i got better things to do and things i care about more sbdjdkl#AUUUGHHH sorry for this im just embarrassed all of a sudden abt this djfkdl#and also worry that ppl are going to expect me to be Good at this or smth but yall im rly not fjdkdl i just sort of brute force my way thru#all the battles and everything fnfkdl i use almost No strategy fjdkdl i prefer offensive moves over defensive moves even#its just... im not good at this stuff dhdkdl#dandy.cmd#dandy.exe#vent //
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if my brain could stop telling me im not Really enjoying things and im just humoring people all the time and i don't actually care about abything thatd be great. would really like it to stop doing that
#i dunno. i dunno how to describe it properly#rare dave 'i kinda hate myself a bit' moment#like i Do kinda humor people when im notactually invested in what theyre saying#because i know they wanna talk about something ir another and its not like *i* have anything to say ever so like. kt fills the silence#but i do genuinely like listening to people talk and be excited about the things they like#but i also feel bad becaus. i dunno it feels like i dont care as much as i should or i care for the wrong reasons#and it feels bad#sometimes i feel like an empty shell of a person whi never contributes anything ever#'ahaha im bad at talking but i love listening to others talk!!' just scrapes the surface kf what feels like an actual fucking issue with me#i feel like there should be like. More thoughts in my head than there are. it feels like other people have more Thoughts than me in general#i need to get a life so badly dude i thjnk my brain is rotting#anyways this is why i always say if i had a clone we would Not get along#id hate trying to talk to myself#srry for Sudden Vent Post event i havent slept in like a full day#accidental caffeine you know how it goes. too antsy to sleep so i decided to edit my ponies on pony town. and then it was morning#im gonna sleep rn tho#and i know ill feel better then#i just get all stupid when im sleep deprived#delete later
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Hot take: Totk's story would've been 1000% better if the zonai were introduced more slowly
#the zonai were a complete mystery in botw#then within the first five minutes of totk its all ''OH LOOK IT'S THE ZONAI EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THE ZONAI RIGHT''#like it would've been so much better if link woke up with his funky new arm and only the constructs were there to guide him#and the zonai charges were called construct charges as well so you had zero idea about the zonai (ppl might guess early on but it wouldn't-#be confirmed they were zonai tech)#as you progress through the story you learn more and more about the zonai and who they were#until about halfway or three quarters through the story a main quest leads you to the zonai ruins in faron where you meet rauru's ghost#and he explains about link's new arm being his etc#idk i feel like it would've preserved the mystery of the zonai and made me more engaged in the story#it would've been fun to theorise about the zonai as i went through the game rather than being told everything immediately#totk is a fantastic game but the story definitely could've been better (especially the continuity between botw and totk)#not trying to hate on totk its just that looking back on it the introduction to the zonai was very sudden#totk#totk spoilers
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heol
#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc i’ve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the ‘he doesn’t fit’ is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ‘didn’t fit’ into the four that they were without him but. he’s lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jy’s in ‘08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jg’s first boygroup#they ltr would’ve debuted in 2013 if it wasn’t for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. he’s not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now he’s lonely here and now apparently he’s in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech 😭😭😭 tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all he’s not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhae’s literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP he’s not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. he’s mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. he’s mad at shit that’s never happened and he’s never gonna stop#the ‘why did you fall for me’ though.. that’s him to min like#he feels like he’s conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay#‘you’re not there / you’re just an echo’ is def towards hm after 2020 when him and mai left too ouhhhhh throws up
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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
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